I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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