We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
