I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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