best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
please don't ironically join a cult
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