Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
