Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
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