You just made me feel so damn special
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
