I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Randomize
