These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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