It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
