dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She tied me up with her honor cords...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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