and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
