Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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