Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He shit in the fireplace
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
