i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
