I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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