She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
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