I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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