I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
