Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
