Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
