When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
