you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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