bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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