he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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