Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
