I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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