ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
