Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
