Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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