I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
