she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
