Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
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