The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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