i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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