Yo dont text me then not text me
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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