her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
