Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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