i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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