Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
