What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
