he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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