So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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