You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
