he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize