why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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