Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
