kristin has been a bad kristin
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
