Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
i now understand why vodka
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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