one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
