do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
