after a month anything with tits is on the radar
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
