dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
