Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
