Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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