Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Let's get the cat blown out
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
