I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Only a mothe r could love this liver
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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