Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
