Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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