saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
