My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
