is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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