I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
