Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize