respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
