i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
