1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
