sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
COCAINE IS GR8
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
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