If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
