his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
